office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You need Xanax blowdarts
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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