There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize