Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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