Tell her she can't have a vagina
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
