You made me cry and you don't even care
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
