What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
