he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
