I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
