Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
