i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
