What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
