Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
