I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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