I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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