Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
