The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
