I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
