this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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