There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
