Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
