Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
