Tell her she can't have a vagina
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize