my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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