Have you finally orgasmed yet?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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