my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
