i just had sex bonerless
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
