the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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