what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
