...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
