the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize