i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize