He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I want her autograph on my taint
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
