You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
