May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize