Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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