I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
