i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i think i just lost a toe
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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