I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
That accounts for only three of the penises
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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