Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
