A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize