U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
