what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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