Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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