cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
