You made me cry and you don't even care
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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