We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
