guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
