that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
we're chasing vodka with high fives
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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