But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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