he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
