I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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