Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Randomize
