mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
