I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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