Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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