And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Are my feet made of real feet?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
