Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
