I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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