I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
