My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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