Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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