You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
