Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
