Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
