I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
