Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
