I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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