Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
