Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
